Sandra Rossi with Computerworld Australia wrote a great article which I thought was an interesting read. It deals with the invention of a Russian “flirt-bot” or spyware that is able to gather personal information from unsuspecting singles.

Talk about an instance of technology gone bad. This “flirt-bot” named CyberLover is able to initiate and conduct conversations with unsuspecting humans in chat rooms, notably online dating sites. Developed in Russia, the creators of CyberLover claim it is able to simultaneously establish a new relationship with up to 10 different people inside of 30 minutes.

CyberLover is pre-programmed with a series of questions to ask its unsuspecting users. It is than able to digest the responses it receives and develop follow up questions. As the conversation progresses, CyberLover begins to ask more detailed and pointed questions.

Sample questions that CyberLover may ask include:

• “Where can I send you a Valentine’s Day card?”

• “What’s your date of birth? I’m planning a surprise for your birthday?”

While seemingly innocent questions to answer, you have just provided CyberLover with both your home address and your date of birth. Both are vital details for someone looking to commit identity theft.

CyberLover also has the option to invite its prey to a personalized web page. This page can be set up to load additional spyware or malware onto the unsuspecting person’s computer.

CyberLover is then able to keep all of the information it gathers on each user in a data base. This data base could be passed onto various people with bad intent, and you could open yourself up to identity theft. The potential downside to a tool like this could be enormous.

CyberLover is only reported in Russia right now targeting various Russian websites, but its creators have mentioned a mid February 2008 release to other parts of the world.

How can you prevent yourself from becoming a victim?

The first thing to keep in mind when discussing anything online is to make sure you keep all of your vital information to yourself. Never give anyone in a chat room your real name, your home address, your date of birth, your real email, or your phone number. It’s not something you need to provide the first time you “meet” somebody online.

If you are in a chat room and you feel like you’re hitting it off, set up another time or form of communication. Tell them you’ve got to run, but ask them to send you an email through the dating service. CyberLover is designed to work over a chat format, but it’s not capable of sending you an email.

If you’re not using a dating service, make sure not to give your primary email address, but a secondary account you have set up with one of the free services like hotmail, yahoo, or gmail.

Most importantly, use your common sense. If it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do, in most cases it isn’t. You can only protect your vital information one time. Once it’s compromised, there isn’t much you can do.

To read the original story, please visit Computerworld Australia.

For anyone who thinks that online dating is a passing trend, I just bumped into an article that shows its popularity increasing.  The study was based out of Great Britain by the dating agency Parship, and it makes two fantastic claims.

• “Nearly eight million Britons used some form of online dating service in 2007, compared to 5.4 million who used a mixture of offline and online services in 2005.”

• “Over 53 per cent of singles intend to use the internet to meet someone in the future, rising to 65 per cent of 36 to 40 year-olds.”

These statistics are incredible, and it shows that people don’t attach a stigma to using online services.  In fact, these statistics show that your network or pool of available matches is much larger than relying on the traditional method of hoping for a chance encounter.

The increased use of technology is the driving force behind this.  People use email, text messaging and instant messaging while at work.  We log onto the internet to get almost all of our news, and we use the internet to do research when we’re in the market to buy something. People are comfortable using these mediums of communication, and online dating is just another extension of that.

Singles are increasingly aware that using an online dating service will drastically reduce the amount of time it will take to find that someone special.  It gives you the benefit of “meeting” someone online without having to go through the time and expense of a traditional date.

You also are able to “meet” many different singles as well.  You can have ongoing discussions and/or emails with multiple singles at once.  This is not considered “cheating” in online circles.  Once you’ve had a chance to get to know a little bit about a person, you can set about arranging that first face-to-face meeting.

The savings in time is well worth the small investment involved with joining a dating site.  For $15-$25 per month, online dating sites offer real value for singles.  Whether you are a single mother who only has time for herself once the children are in bed or a working professional who is constantly away on business, online dating provides you the perfect platform for meeting that someone special on your own schedule.

To read the original article, click here.

Welcome to section thirteen of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide.  Yahoo!  You’ve made it to the end and you’re now getting ready for the big moment where you’re going to meet face to face.  Yikes!

You’ve been using an online dating service and you’ve found someone you would really like to meet.  Before you get started, there is one big note of caution.

Online dating sites DO NOT do background checks on their customers.  Please don’t assume that because a person has a profile on a dating site that the site has “pre-qualified” them and validated their background.

Here are some best practices for you to follow before setting up your first meeting.

• Make contact by phone.

Although you’ve developed a comfort level with this person by exchanging plenty of emails and instant messages, it’s important to have a few phone conversations with the person before meeting.  Hearing their voice adds a new dimension to a relationship.  It will give you an idea on the cadence they speak in, as well as if there are any awkward pauses when they respond to your questions. If they have a voice that grates on your nerves, this may also be a sign that this person isn’t a good match for you.

• Use your cell phone number, not your home number.

Your safety is better protected on your cell phone.  People are able to pull up your name, address, and directions to your house just by knowing your phone number.  To illustrate my point, go to Google.com and enter in your home phone number.  You’ll notice it will pull up your name, your address, and a link to Google Maps to show how to get to your house.  If you’re uncomfortable with this information being posted on Google, click on the search result and there is a link to unsubscribe your information.

• Do not have them pick you up at your house or your place of work.

• Meet in a public place and keep it low key.

Meet at Starbucks or a local diner for a cup of coffee.

• Lunch is great.

Lunch works well because it comes with a time limit.  People need to get back to the office, so you have a built in excuse to leave if things aren’t going as planned.

• Avoid meeting for cocktails.

Alcohol does different things to different people, not always for the better.  People’s personalities tend to change with each cocktail they drink.  Someone who’s shy may turn into the life of the party, but you’re hoping to see the person as they really are.

• Bring your cell phone, and make sure it’s charged.

• Tell a friend or family member your plans.

Give them the name of the person you’re meeting, their cell phone number, and the place you’ll be meeting.  Tell them your whereabouts in case things go really wrong.

• Have your friend give you a call to check on you.

My suggestion is to have your friend call at a point when the date should have ended.  For example, if you’re meeting for lunch at noon, and you expect the lunch to last one hour, have your friend give you a call at 1:30 to make sure you’re safe.

• Don’t invite them back to your house.

If the date goes well, you will be making plans for another day shortly after that.

I’m not trying to paint a picture of doom and gloom.  In fact, almost all of the singles you meet will be normal well-adjusted individuals.  These are just some guidelines to follow to protect yourself against some of the crazy people that may be lurking out there.  It’s better to be safe than sorry.

That’s the end of my Quick Start Guide.  Thanks for following.  If you haven’t done so yet, please check out my recommendations on the best online dating sites to use.

Cheers,

Mac

Welcome to section six of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide.

When you post a profile on an online dating site, there are three parts that viewers will see: your picture, your headline, and your profile. Each one serves a distinct purpose, but in my opinion, the picture and the headline are the most important.

Research shows that you only have 5 seconds to grab someone’s attention.

People are superficial and we are drawn to things that catch our attention. I have previously written about the importance of your written profile and how you should focus on it when starting out. I firmly stand by that, but if you can’t get someone to click onto it to read it, it won’t matter what you write.

Think about articles you read in a paper or magazine. What is it that usually draws you in? It’s the headline and the picture. Many a great article has been written and never read because the headline doesn’t draw people in.

I want to focus on creating a great headline for your online dating profile. Here are a few tips that you should focus on.

1. Keep it between 3-7 words. Anything longer than that tends to lose the reader.

2. Avoid Clichés. The goal is to come up with something unique and original. You want to differentiate yourself from all the others. Take a stroll around your dating site and take a tally of how many times you see the following:

3. Avoid negativity. Portray a positive image in your headline. Although you may be LonleyLady or LookingForLove, you don’t need to announce it. It implies you’re a weak person, and many will avoid people they see as weak.

4. Incorporate your hobbies or interests. This headline is supposed to tell others something about you. What better way to do that than to come up with a quick snippet of what you like to do. Feel free to use your college, favorite sports team, restaurant, or local hang out in the title.

• Meet me at Starbucks?
• Join me for a Walk on the Beach…
• Small Talk & a bottle of Merlot.  Interested?
• Steeler Fan Looking for a Tailgating buddy
• Let’s Go Ride our Harley’s

5. Incoroporate a song lyric or line from a poem.

• “Some people call me the Space Cowboy…

6. Unless you are joining an “adult” site, avoid all sexual innuendo. If it’s sex you’re selling, those are the only responses you’ll get back.

7. Feel free to switch it up. Come up with a couple different headlines and change them every few weeks. Keep track of which ones work best and get rid of the ones that don’t.

8. As with everything in your profile, make sure that you spell everything correctly. If you’re not sure how to spell a word, then just don’t use it. Otherwise, make sure to look it up in an online dictionary.

9. Avoid Capitals. In the online world, using all capitals is considered “yelling” and is considered to be rude behavior.

10. Use (…) to end your headline. I’ve done a lot of research on headlines and my success rate is twice as high when I end a phrase with (…). That’s three dots. It gives the reader the impression that there is more to the story, but they need to click to find out more. What have you got to lose…

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Welcome to section nine of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide where we get into the subject of the initial icebreaker.

You’ve been searching around your online dating site and you’ve come across a profile that really catches your interest. It could be the picture that drew you in, or perhaps it was the online profile which seemed witty, but either way you’re hoping to start a dialog with the person.

In the online dating community, all initial conversation is done via the internet. Different companies have different platforms to operate on: chat, instant messaging, and groups, but all of them include email. You don’t actually get to “talk” to someone until you’ve progressed pretty far into the relationship.

This leads to the big question, what’s the best way to get in touch with a profile that you’re interested in?

As a free member of a site, you usually are not able to contact the paid members. This privilege is withheld from you until you reach into your back pocket and pull out your credit card to pay for a membership. Once you do this, you usually will have two different options to choose from.

Most sites offer some sort of initial contact to let someone know that you found their profile interesting. Many of the sites use the same terminology by calling it either a “wink” or an “icebreaker,” but its purpose is to let them know that you’re interested.

A “wink” is nothing more than that. It’s a notification that pops up telling the person of your interest in them. It really doesn’t tell them one thing about you. If you are tight on time and you don’t have the chance to craft an email, this is a quick method to state your interest. One note of caution, in many instances these are often ignored.

The second option available is to send an email to that person that introduces you, and it also lets them know that you are interested in them. This is by far the more effective of the two.

An email conveys to the recipient that you think enough of them that you are willing to sit down and take the time to compose an email to them. Let me put it to you this way, if you received a wink from one profile and a concisely written email from another profile, which one would you value more?

One final benefit to sending the email is that this gives you a chance to sell yourself, which you’ll never get by sending a “wink.” You don’t want to write the Great American Novel, but you want to take 1-2 paragraphs to tell a little bit about yourself.

I advise trying to get it to fit into 1 paragraph, but the most important thing is to be concise. Give them just enough info that they’ll feel the need to reply to you to find out just a little bit more. That should be the goal of every communication you send.

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Welcome to section eleven of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide, and now we’ve finally gotten down to the nitty gritty.  You’ve got a response from someone and it’s “game on”.  Now what?

Whether you’ve just started using an online dating service or you’re an experienced pro, there is always some excitement that comes when you receive an email from someone’s who’s noticed your profile and is hoping to open a dialog with you.

The problem many of us have is that life is sometimes a bit overwhelming and we just don’t have the time to respond right away. Between work, family, social clubs, and friends, we often find our time at a premium. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for many of us.

Knowing that up front, how long should you sit on that message before you reply?

Online dating is all about getting yourself in front of as many singles as possible. This is a game of communication, and you want to stack the odds in your favor by communicating with as many people as possible. The more dialogs you have going on, the better. You’re hoping to ask pointed questions and trying to figure out which singles are the ones you want to keep talking to.

Our society today is based on instant gratification. We want it now, and we’re not willing to wait. Knowing this up front, it’s very important to treat each inquiry with immediate urgency. Why take the chance of missing out on getting to know another quality single?

One simple rule to live by is that you should never wait longer than 24 hours to respond. If you wait longer than that, it is considered rude in the world of online etiquette.

That may sound like an easy response, but as we know things aren’t always as simple as they seem. You most likely will never be able to find more time in your day, but that doesn’t mean you can’t address this situation.

The important point to remember is that you need to respond. Responding does not mean you need to reply with the Great American Novel. Pouring your heart and soul into your response is not justified at this point in the relationship.

Here are a few 3 quick pointers:

1. Explain to your admirer that you are very busy at this moment, but that you are genuinely flattered and excited to get their response. Give them a little something right now, with the promise of a little more to come. Make sure to follow through with this promise.
2. Answer at least one or two of the questions that they’ve posed to you. You are giving some of your time to answer their questions and it furthers the point that you are indeed interested in them.
3. Ask them one question in return. Because you are asking them a question, it shows that you are expecting to hear back from them.

Limit your response to three to five paragraphs. Another point to consider is to use white space when you respond. What I mean by that is to use hard line breaks or double spaces when typing each paragraph. Separate each point and make it stand out on its own. Don’t have your thoughts run into one another. Research shows that people prefer to read text that is spread out as opposed to close together.

Finally, to help streamline your time, if you have been communicating with someone and you just don’t sense a spark, send one last email to them to let them know that you’re no longer interested. You may hurt their feelings, but in the long run this move will benefit both parties. There’s no need to have any additional clutter in your inbox and this is one way to address it.

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