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Experienced online daters will tell you that the game begins once your inbox starts filling up with emails or notifications of interest. Depending on the online dating site you’re using, the notifications will have different names, such as a wink or icebreaker.

You’ve gone through a lot of hard work to get your online dating profile set up. This is done for one specific reason; to get your profile to stand out among all the other profiles on the site. You’re hoping that others will want to get in contact with you to find out a little more about you.

The culmination of all of this effort materializes in your email inbox. You should start getting unsolicited emails and notifications from people who are hoping to get to know a little more about you.

You open up the email, and you click the link to take a look at that person’s profile. You try to decide if this is someone you may be interested in getting to know a little better. If so, I recommend you craft a response back to them in a prompt fashion.

That’s the best case scenario; however, what is the proper etiquette for responding to someone that you’re not interested in?

This question is up for debate among dating experts, with the schools of thought pretty evenly divided.

Option #1: Don’t Respond

Some experts suggest that there is no need to respond back to someone that you just aren’t interested in. They feel that you are under no obligation, and that this is one of the perks of using an online dating service. You can get to know as many people as you like, without having any strings attached.

Option #2: Respond

Put yourself in their shoes. If you found someone of interest you would send them an email (or wink) over to them to show your interest. You’re not expecting this person to drop everything that they’re doing to respond to you, but you are hoping to hear something back in a timely fashion.

We’re all grown ups, and rejection is a part of life. We don’t enjoy it, but in dating it’s just a part of the process. I would rather be told no than to than to not get any response at all.

I think it’s just as easy to take a few minutes of your time to respond back. Although I’m a big fan of personalizing each correspondence I make, in this instance I don’t see the need to do so. Just come up with a set response, save it as a file, and copy and paste it into emails as needed.

Here’s an example that you can use:

“Thank you very much for your interest. I’m flattered to hear from you, but after taking a few minutes to read through your profile, you don’t seem to share many of the interests that are important to me. Good luck with your dating search and best wishes!”

You’ve given the person the common courtesy of a response while at the same time you’ve let them know that you’re not interested. If they decide to respond back asking why, I think at that point you’re not under any obligation to respond.

How difficult is that?

Welcome to section nine of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide where we get into the subject of the initial icebreaker.

You’ve been searching around your online dating site and you’ve come across a profile that really catches your interest. It could be the picture that drew you in, or perhaps it was the online profile which seemed witty, but either way you’re hoping to start a dialog with the person.

In the online dating community, all initial conversation is done via the internet. Different companies have different platforms to operate on: chat, instant messaging, and groups, but all of them include email. You don’t actually get to “talk” to someone until you’ve progressed pretty far into the relationship.

This leads to the big question, what’s the best way to get in touch with a profile that you’re interested in?

As a free member of a site, you usually are not able to contact the paid members. This privilege is withheld from you until you reach into your back pocket and pull out your credit card to pay for a membership. Once you do this, you usually will have two different options to choose from.

Most sites offer some sort of initial contact to let someone know that you found their profile interesting. Many of the sites use the same terminology by calling it either a “wink” or an “icebreaker,” but its purpose is to let them know that you’re interested.

A “wink” is nothing more than that. It’s a notification that pops up telling the person of your interest in them. It really doesn’t tell them one thing about you. If you are tight on time and you don’t have the chance to craft an email, this is a quick method to state your interest. One note of caution, in many instances these are often ignored.

The second option available is to send an email to that person that introduces you, and it also lets them know that you are interested in them. This is by far the more effective of the two.

An email conveys to the recipient that you think enough of them that you are willing to sit down and take the time to compose an email to them. Let me put it to you this way, if you received a wink from one profile and a concisely written email from another profile, which one would you value more?

One final benefit to sending the email is that this gives you a chance to sell yourself, which you’ll never get by sending a “wink.” You don’t want to write the Great American Novel, but you want to take 1-2 paragraphs to tell a little bit about yourself.

I advise trying to get it to fit into 1 paragraph, but the most important thing is to be concise. Give them just enough info that they’ll feel the need to reply to you to find out just a little bit more. That should be the goal of every communication you send.

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Welcome to section eleven of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide, and now we’ve finally gotten down to the nitty gritty.  You’ve got a response from someone and it’s “game on”.  Now what?

Whether you’ve just started using an online dating service or you’re an experienced pro, there is always some excitement that comes when you receive an email from someone’s who’s noticed your profile and is hoping to open a dialog with you.

The problem many of us have is that life is sometimes a bit overwhelming and we just don’t have the time to respond right away. Between work, family, social clubs, and friends, we often find our time at a premium. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for many of us.

Knowing that up front, how long should you sit on that message before you reply?

Online dating is all about getting yourself in front of as many singles as possible. This is a game of communication, and you want to stack the odds in your favor by communicating with as many people as possible. The more dialogs you have going on, the better. You’re hoping to ask pointed questions and trying to figure out which singles are the ones you want to keep talking to.

Our society today is based on instant gratification. We want it now, and we’re not willing to wait. Knowing this up front, it’s very important to treat each inquiry with immediate urgency. Why take the chance of missing out on getting to know another quality single?

One simple rule to live by is that you should never wait longer than 24 hours to respond. If you wait longer than that, it is considered rude in the world of online etiquette.

That may sound like an easy response, but as we know things aren’t always as simple as they seem. You most likely will never be able to find more time in your day, but that doesn’t mean you can’t address this situation.

The important point to remember is that you need to respond. Responding does not mean you need to reply with the Great American Novel. Pouring your heart and soul into your response is not justified at this point in the relationship.

Here are a few 3 quick pointers:

1. Explain to your admirer that you are very busy at this moment, but that you are genuinely flattered and excited to get their response. Give them a little something right now, with the promise of a little more to come. Make sure to follow through with this promise.
2. Answer at least one or two of the questions that they’ve posed to you. You are giving some of your time to answer their questions and it furthers the point that you are indeed interested in them.
3. Ask them one question in return. Because you are asking them a question, it shows that you are expecting to hear back from them.

Limit your response to three to five paragraphs. Another point to consider is to use white space when you respond. What I mean by that is to use hard line breaks or double spaces when typing each paragraph. Separate each point and make it stand out on its own. Don’t have your thoughts run into one another. Research shows that people prefer to read text that is spread out as opposed to close together.

Finally, to help streamline your time, if you have been communicating with someone and you just don’t sense a spark, send one last email to them to let them know that you’re no longer interested. You may hurt their feelings, but in the long run this move will benefit both parties. There’s no need to have any additional clutter in your inbox and this is one way to address it.

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