Experienced online daters will tell you that the game begins once your inbox starts filling up with emails or notifications of interest. Depending on the online dating site you’re using, the notifications will have different names, such as a wink or icebreaker.

You’ve gone through a lot of hard work to get your online dating profile set up. This is done for one specific reason; to get your profile to stand out among all the other profiles on the site. You’re hoping that others will want to get in contact with you to find out a little more about you.

The culmination of all of this effort materializes in your email inbox. You should start getting unsolicited emails and notifications from people who are hoping to get to know a little more about you.

You open up the email, and you click the link to take a look at that person’s profile. You try to decide if this is someone you may be interested in getting to know a little better. If so, I recommend you craft a response back to them in a prompt fashion.

That’s the best case scenario; however, what is the proper etiquette for responding to someone that you’re not interested in?

This question is up for debate among dating experts, with the schools of thought pretty evenly divided.

Option #1: Don’t Respond

Some experts suggest that there is no need to respond back to someone that you just aren’t interested in. They feel that you are under no obligation, and that this is one of the perks of using an online dating service. You can get to know as many people as you like, without having any strings attached.

Option #2: Respond

Put yourself in their shoes. If you found someone of interest you would send them an email (or wink) over to them to show your interest. You’re not expecting this person to drop everything that they’re doing to respond to you, but you are hoping to hear something back in a timely fashion.

We’re all grown ups, and rejection is a part of life. We don’t enjoy it, but in dating it’s just a part of the process. I would rather be told no than to than to not get any response at all.

I think it’s just as easy to take a few minutes of your time to respond back. Although I’m a big fan of personalizing each correspondence I make, in this instance I don’t see the need to do so. Just come up with a set response, save it as a file, and copy and paste it into emails as needed.

Here’s an example that you can use:

“Thank you very much for your interest. I’m flattered to hear from you, but after taking a few minutes to read through your profile, you don’t seem to share many of the interests that are important to me. Good luck with your dating search and best wishes!”

You’ve given the person the common courtesy of a response while at the same time you’ve let them know that you’re not interested. If they decide to respond back asking why, I think at that point you’re not under any obligation to respond.

How difficult is that?

For those of you who are just getting started with online dating, here are a few tips to get you started without offending others. In our everyday lives, we try to live by the etiquette of society, so the internet should not be any different.

Let’s start off with the negatives and get them out of the way before moving onto the positives. Since most initial conversation takes place through either an email or chat, let’s start with some basics.

• Don’t type in Caps. This is the internet equivalent of screaming. TYPING IN CAPS IS FROWNED UP.

• Don’t use “text talk” when responding to others. Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about: LOL, BRB, TTFN, CYA, OMG. There are too many people out there that just don’t understand what any of the abbreviations stand for. Take the time to write out each word and make sure to use proper punctuation. Remember, you are trying to entice the person you’re communicating with to want to learn more about you.

• Don’t use offensive language. Keep your initial discussion clear of colorful language. Once you get to know someone a little better, you’ll get the idea on whether or not they find this type of language to be appropriate. The last thing you want is for someone to lose interest in you early in the relationship because you let your language slip.

• Don’t force someone to proceed quicker than they wish. You may feel you are ready to move from email and chat conversations over to a telephone call, but don’t assume your partner is ready for that step. If they refuse your invitation, don’t badger them. When they are ready for that step, they will let you know.

• Don’t maintain an active profile if you are seeing someone else. This behavior is frowned upon in the online dating community.

Now that we’ve gotten those out of the way, let’s take a peek at some things that you should focus on. Follow these tips and you will be a highly regarded citizen of the web.

• Tell the truth and be yourself. Even little white lies will eventually come back to haunt you. The foundation of every relationship is trust.

• It’s OK to be in discussions with many different singles. In fact, this is one of the main benefits of using an online dating service. You want to be exposed to as many options as possible. As long as you’re not in an exclusive relationship, this is not seen as being sleazy.

• Listen to what people are telling you. Take the time to read their email or chat responses before formulating your response back to them.

• Personalize each response you make. It makes the recipient feel that you value your discussion with them.

• Respond back to people as soon as you can. It’s common courtesy to do so. Put yourself in their shoes. When you send out an email, you expect a response in a timely manner. One other point of note, if you wait too long to get back to someone, you may miss out on your opportunity to learn more about them. They may just move on to the next person that interests them. You just never know.