When you are trying to choose an online dating site for the first time, one thing you should pay close attention to is whether or not the site displays the “last login” for each profile.

While this may seem an insignificant stat to look at, let me spell out the reason I find it to be important.

On almost all major dating sites, profiles are sorted according to their last login. What I mean by that is that when you pull up your desired search preferences, the site will return the results in the order of their most recent log in. What this does is it filters the active accounts from the inactive ones.

If you really think about it, this is pretty much common sense. If a profile’s last login in is 3 months old, it’s safe to assume that it is not an active profile.

How long is too long? I think anyone who hasn’t logged in within two weeks should be considered a dormant profile. We all have reasons why we can’t login, including business travel and vacations. If someone has paid to use a dating service, it’s safe to assume that if they’re serious, they would be logging in regularly.

Why wouldn’t a member log in? There are only two reasons: 1. they aren’t seriously looking to meet other quality singles, or 2. they may have met already met one.

Anyone who’s been involved with online dating will tell you that the most important thing with online dating is getting your profile in front of as many people as possible. What makes online dating such an attractive alternative for many people is the ability to meet a ton of quality singles in one area.

When choosing an online dating site, it’s imperative to find out whether or not a site will work for you based on the amount of singles in your local area. Search options will give you different parameters to choose from, including sorting profiles by zip code.

This is done based on what you feel to be an acceptable distance to drive (i.e. 5, 10, or 25+ miles) because remember the goal of dating online is to actually go out and meet the person face to face. It does you no good to find that dream date online, only to find out they live three hours away from you.

If you perform this search, and the results come back and 5 of the first 10 results are profiles with no activity within the last two months, than odds are that the pool of available candidates at the site is not going to fit your needs. Conversely, if you pull this search and it returns pages of profiles that are active, sign up right away.

Why would a site not display the last login for each of their profiles? My guess would be because they want possible customers to think the site is a lot more active than it really is.

One note of caution, not all sites will operate in this style. A handful of sites give their members the option of purchasing a “premium” membership for an additional fee. The perk of this type of membership is that “premium” members will have their profile listed at the top each time a search is requested.

One last suggestion if you are planning to use an online dating service, make sure to log on regularly. You want to keep your profile in front of as many people as possible. The more you login, the higher your profile will show. It’s that simple!

Here’s a quick exercise you can use if you’re trying to figure out whether or not to get involved with online dating. Each of us has different ideas on what is important, but it sometimes helps to write things down on paper.

Here’s a quick list that applies to me.

Pros:

• If you’re shy, online dating is a lot easier than walking up to a complete stranger.

• The pool available online is pretty large. I’m able to chat with a lot of quality females from the privacy of my living room.

• What a savings of time. I can talk with many different singles all at once, at a time that’s convenient to me, whether it’s early in the morning before work or late at night.

• If using a paid service, you’re confident that the other person communicating is single and is interested in finding another single. That’s never the case in the real world.

• The cost is relatively cheap. The monthly cost of an online membership is way cheaper than buying a woman a couple of drinks or taking a date out to a movie.

• You actually know someone when you finally go out on a date in the real world. Getting to know them in the virtual world makes the first meeting a lot less stressful.

• You get something accomplished each time you log on. You will have a couple of constructive discussions and a couple of leads for future sessions. Lord knows how many times I used to come home from a night out all depressed because I didn’t meet anyone.

• If you start talking to someone and it just isn’t clicking, it’s much easier to terminate the relationship than it is face to face.

Cons:

• People are still somewhat embarrassed to tell friends and families they’re using a dating service, let alone an online one.

• People don’t always tell the truth online, although I guess that applies to the real world as well.

• I always feel like there are a lot more men than women on the site. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but that’s the perception I get.

• You get to know the personality of the person you’re talking to but you don’t get an idea if there’s any physical chemistry between the two of you. There are a lot of people that I love talking to, but a big part of a relationship is the physical aspect.

Once you put it all down on paper, I’m sure that you’ll notice the pluses far outnumber the minus. If you’re on the fence about this decision, take the time to write down the pros and cons and I’m sure you’ll come to a similar decision.

I was surfing the net today and I came across an item written by Andrew Johnstone which states: research shows that 97% of all men give up on online dating within 3 months of starting. That number really jumped out at me, and after giving it some thought, I have to dispute it.

As I’ve outlined before, internet dating involves a lot of work up front to make the entire process successful. Once you eliminate the pool of people who are only using free dating sites, I think the number of people that fail is significantly smaller than what Johnstone states.

People that reach into their wallet and make the decision to pay for a service are much more committed to making the process work. They are essentially prequalified leads (to use a sales term).  That’s a proven fact!

The article lists the many reasons why so many men feel they fail. The most common theme he kept coming back to was that most men weren’t properly prepared before joining a site. This immediate lack of results discourages both men and women alike.

Most of this goes back to a lot of the things I’ve addressed in previous blog articles on this site. The top five items Johnstone says that internet daters need to address are the following:

1. Use a good photo of yourself.
2. Compose a catchy headline
3. Write an informative profile that has the reader looking for more info
4. Personalize each email that you compose, make it unique
5. Be yourself and enjoy the process

Follow these steps as well as some others I’ve outlined previously in this blog and I can guarantee that your online dating experience will be a success.

Welcome to section six of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide.

When you post a profile on an online dating site, there are three parts that viewers will see: your picture, your headline, and your profile. Each one serves a distinct purpose, but in my opinion, the picture and the headline are the most important.

Research shows that you only have 5 seconds to grab someone’s attention.

People are superficial and we are drawn to things that catch our attention. I have previously written about the importance of your written profile and how you should focus on it when starting out. I firmly stand by that, but if you can’t get someone to click onto it to read it, it won’t matter what you write.

Think about articles you read in a paper or magazine. What is it that usually draws you in? It’s the headline and the picture. Many a great article has been written and never read because the headline doesn’t draw people in.

I want to focus on creating a great headline for your online dating profile. Here are a few tips that you should focus on.

1. Keep it between 3-7 words. Anything longer than that tends to lose the reader.

2. Avoid Clichés. The goal is to come up with something unique and original. You want to differentiate yourself from all the others. Take a stroll around your dating site and take a tally of how many times you see the following:

3. Avoid negativity. Portray a positive image in your headline. Although you may be LonleyLady or LookingForLove, you don’t need to announce it. It implies you’re a weak person, and many will avoid people they see as weak.

4. Incorporate your hobbies or interests. This headline is supposed to tell others something about you. What better way to do that than to come up with a quick snippet of what you like to do. Feel free to use your college, favorite sports team, restaurant, or local hang out in the title.

• Meet me at Starbucks?
• Join me for a Walk on the Beach…
• Small Talk & a bottle of Merlot.  Interested?
• Steeler Fan Looking for a Tailgating buddy
• Let’s Go Ride our Harley’s

5. Incoroporate a song lyric or line from a poem.

• “Some people call me the Space Cowboy…

6. Unless you are joining an “adult” site, avoid all sexual innuendo. If it’s sex you’re selling, those are the only responses you’ll get back.

7. Feel free to switch it up. Come up with a couple different headlines and change them every few weeks. Keep track of which ones work best and get rid of the ones that don’t.

8. As with everything in your profile, make sure that you spell everything correctly. If you’re not sure how to spell a word, then just don’t use it. Otherwise, make sure to look it up in an online dictionary.

9. Avoid Capitals. In the online world, using all capitals is considered “yelling” and is considered to be rude behavior.

10. Use (…) to end your headline. I’ve done a lot of research on headlines and my success rate is twice as high when I end a phrase with (…). That’s three dots. It gives the reader the impression that there is more to the story, but they need to click to find out more. What have you got to lose…

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Welcome to section nine of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide where we get into the subject of the initial icebreaker.

You’ve been searching around your online dating site and you’ve come across a profile that really catches your interest. It could be the picture that drew you in, or perhaps it was the online profile which seemed witty, but either way you’re hoping to start a dialog with the person.

In the online dating community, all initial conversation is done via the internet. Different companies have different platforms to operate on: chat, instant messaging, and groups, but all of them include email. You don’t actually get to “talk” to someone until you’ve progressed pretty far into the relationship.

This leads to the big question, what’s the best way to get in touch with a profile that you’re interested in?

As a free member of a site, you usually are not able to contact the paid members. This privilege is withheld from you until you reach into your back pocket and pull out your credit card to pay for a membership. Once you do this, you usually will have two different options to choose from.

Most sites offer some sort of initial contact to let someone know that you found their profile interesting. Many of the sites use the same terminology by calling it either a “wink” or an “icebreaker,” but its purpose is to let them know that you’re interested.

A “wink” is nothing more than that. It’s a notification that pops up telling the person of your interest in them. It really doesn’t tell them one thing about you. If you are tight on time and you don’t have the chance to craft an email, this is a quick method to state your interest. One note of caution, in many instances these are often ignored.

The second option available is to send an email to that person that introduces you, and it also lets them know that you are interested in them. This is by far the more effective of the two.

An email conveys to the recipient that you think enough of them that you are willing to sit down and take the time to compose an email to them. Let me put it to you this way, if you received a wink from one profile and a concisely written email from another profile, which one would you value more?

One final benefit to sending the email is that this gives you a chance to sell yourself, which you’ll never get by sending a “wink.” You don’t want to write the Great American Novel, but you want to take 1-2 paragraphs to tell a little bit about yourself.

I advise trying to get it to fit into 1 paragraph, but the most important thing is to be concise. Give them just enough info that they’ll feel the need to reply to you to find out just a little bit more. That should be the goal of every communication you send.

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Welcome to section eleven of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide, and now we’ve finally gotten down to the nitty gritty.  You’ve got a response from someone and it’s “game on”.  Now what?

Whether you’ve just started using an online dating service or you’re an experienced pro, there is always some excitement that comes when you receive an email from someone’s who’s noticed your profile and is hoping to open a dialog with you.

The problem many of us have is that life is sometimes a bit overwhelming and we just don’t have the time to respond right away. Between work, family, social clubs, and friends, we often find our time at a premium. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for many of us.

Knowing that up front, how long should you sit on that message before you reply?

Online dating is all about getting yourself in front of as many singles as possible. This is a game of communication, and you want to stack the odds in your favor by communicating with as many people as possible. The more dialogs you have going on, the better. You’re hoping to ask pointed questions and trying to figure out which singles are the ones you want to keep talking to.

Our society today is based on instant gratification. We want it now, and we’re not willing to wait. Knowing this up front, it’s very important to treat each inquiry with immediate urgency. Why take the chance of missing out on getting to know another quality single?

One simple rule to live by is that you should never wait longer than 24 hours to respond. If you wait longer than that, it is considered rude in the world of online etiquette.

That may sound like an easy response, but as we know things aren’t always as simple as they seem. You most likely will never be able to find more time in your day, but that doesn’t mean you can’t address this situation.

The important point to remember is that you need to respond. Responding does not mean you need to reply with the Great American Novel. Pouring your heart and soul into your response is not justified at this point in the relationship.

Here are a few 3 quick pointers:

1. Explain to your admirer that you are very busy at this moment, but that you are genuinely flattered and excited to get their response. Give them a little something right now, with the promise of a little more to come. Make sure to follow through with this promise.
2. Answer at least one or two of the questions that they’ve posed to you. You are giving some of your time to answer their questions and it furthers the point that you are indeed interested in them.
3. Ask them one question in return. Because you are asking them a question, it shows that you are expecting to hear back from them.

Limit your response to three to five paragraphs. Another point to consider is to use white space when you respond. What I mean by that is to use hard line breaks or double spaces when typing each paragraph. Separate each point and make it stand out on its own. Don’t have your thoughts run into one another. Research shows that people prefer to read text that is spread out as opposed to close together.

Finally, to help streamline your time, if you have been communicating with someone and you just don’t sense a spark, send one last email to them to let them know that you’re no longer interested. You may hurt their feelings, but in the long run this move will benefit both parties. There’s no need to have any additional clutter in your inbox and this is one way to address it.

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