Writing an online profile that captures the essence of who you are and what you have to offer is the most important thing you will do in online dating. This is your opportunity to sell yourself and distinguish your profile from the other singles on a dating site.

The goal of an online dating site profile is to entice other singles to click onto your profile, read through it, and make the effort to contact you to find out more about you.

You should not rush through this step. For a few fortunate people, writing is a very natural thing. They can sit down and look at a blank sheet of paper and within 15-20 minutes they are able to write a concise and well-written profile. These people are the exception.

Most of us fall into the second category of people who struggle with writing in general, let alone writing personal information about ourselves. This will be the most time consuming process of setting up your dating profile. It can take people many hours, if not days, to develop a profile that they’re comfortable in posting.

By nature, most people are not good at selling. Sales is a difficult process, and it takes a certain personality to succeed in sales. Yet every dating site you visit tells you that you need to develop a personal profile that “sells” yourself to other singles. This is a tough dilemma for many to deal with.

Generally speaking, most people are modest about selling themselves. From an early age, our parents go to great lengths to tell us what an admirable personality trait humility is, and we are encouraged to praise and extol the virtues of others while at the same time downplaying our own actions. We are not comfortable with “bragging” to others about what our strengths are.

Let’s take a look at this social trend we are taught, and let’s use it to our benefit to develop our online persona. This will require you to step outside your normal comfort zone, but the benefits you receive from it will be quite substantial in the long run.

• Ask your closest personal confidents if they could take a few minutes of their own time to write down what it is that they like most about you.

Explain to them why you’re asking them to do this, and you’ll find that they’ll be more than happy to help you out. Once you ask a few close friends, siblings, or even your parents to do this, you will find reoccurring themes that will continue to present themselves.

This will be embarrassing process for a many because it requires you to put yourself out there a little bit. You’ll be letting others know that you’re planning to use an online dating site. This might stop a few people from following my advice, because the anonymity of using an online dating service is a big selling point of the process.

Single people don’t like to have discussions on why they’re still single (again back to the issue of drawing attention to ourselves). If this describes you remember that you have little to lose. You’ve chosen a person who’s gotten to know you really well and they like what you have to offer.

Remember, you are joining an online dating service because you want a change in your life. Your current model for meeting singles isn’t working as you would like. You are tired of being alone and you are looking for someone to share your day-to-day activities with. A few minutes of what you perceive to be “embarrassment” with a friend who values you for who you are is really a small inconvenience.

The benefit of asking two or three people to do this for you is that the majority of your dating profile will be written for you. It will portray who you are and how people perceive you. It will be an honest representation of who you are, and research shows that honest online dating profiles tend to be the most successful.

Previously I have stated that one of the best tips to piecing together your online dating profile is to visit other profiles that you find interesting. Study your competition and see what it is about those profiles that drew you in.

Once you’ve figured that out, use the parts of those profiles as a template to work off of but insert your personal info. The most important part of this plan is that you need to make sure to write the things and beliefs that make you unique and will set you apart.

An example of this would be that you’ve seen a profile that drew you in because it quoted the lyrics of a song that you really enjoy.

The use of the song lyric is what drew you in, so incorporate a similar strategy when piecing together your profile. I’m not suggesting that you use that exact lyric, but rather come up with another favorite lyric or line of poetry to help convey your message.

You don’t need to reinvent the wheel, but these profiles were interesting to you and most likely will be interesting to people with tastes similar to yours. It only works if you personalize it to represent you. If not, the people that you’re trying to meet will recognize this as soon as they get to know you and in many cases dismiss you as a fraud.

In the online community, many people aren’t even bothering to put any thought or originality into their own online persona. There’s a fantastic article written by Jennifer Saranow of the Wall Street Journal titled “The Cut-and-Paste Personality” which goes into great detail.

The gist of the article is that there is rampant plagiarism running through not only online dating site profiles but also many of the social networking sites such as MySpace. For a lot of people, it’s much easier for them to copy a dating profile than to sit down and put the effort into creating their own original profile.

Ms. Saranow points out that people aren’t just taking lines or small quotes from other profiles, but that they are actually copying profiles in their entirety. She uses the example of a writer named Hugh Gallagher, who has had parts of one of his college essays from over 20 years ago copied in over 50 different profiles on Match.com alone.

That’s just one dating site. Imagine with all of the dating sites out there how many other times his work has been plagiarized?

The anonymity of the internet makes a lot of this quite possible. It’s quite easy to google any subject imaginable and it will return hundreds or even thousands of pages that reference what you’re looking for. The amount of written material to borrow from is immense, and it grows on a daily basis. I speak from experience as I’ve visited numerous other dating sites and I’ve found many of the articles I’ve written posted on their sites without any credit being referenced back to me.

The bottom line is that when you are creating your online dating profile; make it as unique as possible. Make sure it represents who you are. You may be able to fool someone into clicking onto your profile, but relationships built on false pretenses rarely succeed.

Welcome to section six of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide.

When you post a profile on an online dating site, there are three parts that viewers will see: your picture, your headline, and your profile. Each one serves a distinct purpose, but in my opinion, the picture and the headline are the most important.

Research shows that you only have 5 seconds to grab someone’s attention.

People are superficial and we are drawn to things that catch our attention. I have previously written about the importance of your written profile and how you should focus on it when starting out. I firmly stand by that, but if you can’t get someone to click onto it to read it, it won’t matter what you write.

Think about articles you read in a paper or magazine. What is it that usually draws you in? It’s the headline and the picture. Many a great article has been written and never read because the headline doesn’t draw people in.

I want to focus on creating a great headline for your online dating profile. Here are a few tips that you should focus on.

1. Keep it between 3-7 words. Anything longer than that tends to lose the reader.

2. Avoid Clichés. The goal is to come up with something unique and original. You want to differentiate yourself from all the others. Take a stroll around your dating site and take a tally of how many times you see the following:

3. Avoid negativity. Portray a positive image in your headline. Although you may be LonleyLady or LookingForLove, you don’t need to announce it. It implies you’re a weak person, and many will avoid people they see as weak.

4. Incorporate your hobbies or interests. This headline is supposed to tell others something about you. What better way to do that than to come up with a quick snippet of what you like to do. Feel free to use your college, favorite sports team, restaurant, or local hang out in the title.

• Meet me at Starbucks?
• Join me for a Walk on the Beach…
• Small Talk & a bottle of Merlot.  Interested?
• Steeler Fan Looking for a Tailgating buddy
• Let’s Go Ride our Harley’s

5. Incoroporate a song lyric or line from a poem.

• “Some people call me the Space Cowboy…

6. Unless you are joining an “adult” site, avoid all sexual innuendo. If it’s sex you’re selling, those are the only responses you’ll get back.

7. Feel free to switch it up. Come up with a couple different headlines and change them every few weeks. Keep track of which ones work best and get rid of the ones that don’t.

8. As with everything in your profile, make sure that you spell everything correctly. If you’re not sure how to spell a word, then just don’t use it. Otherwise, make sure to look it up in an online dictionary.

9. Avoid Capitals. In the online world, using all capitals is considered “yelling” and is considered to be rude behavior.

10. Use (…) to end your headline. I’ve done a lot of research on headlines and my success rate is twice as high when I end a phrase with (…). That’s three dots. It gives the reader the impression that there is more to the story, but they need to click to find out more. What have you got to lose…

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Welcome to section ten of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide.  We’re entering the home stretch.

When you join an online dating site, you need to be aware that your writing skills will play the most important part of how you communicate. Almost all of the early interaction online takes place in the form of written word. You will “write” things out when you send an email or chat online.

Writing about ourselves is often the hardest thing for each of us to do. It’s difficult for most people to sell themselves. People are generally too modest and it’s difficult for them to highlight their personality traits. It’s much easier to talk about others than about ourselves.

Writing your online profile is the first thing that you need to do when you sign up for a dating service. This goes with your picture and it helps other members to get an idea about who you are. There are various articles out there to assist you with this, but I want to focus on what to do once you’ve completed that process.

The next task you need to work on is developing an email approach that you are going to send to profiles that interest you. Take time and pay attention in great detail when you craft this. This is your sales pitch, and you are trying to sell yourself enough so that the person feels inclined to respond to your email.

You are going to create a “template” to use for all of your initial contact emails. What I mean by this is you only need to go through this process once. Take some time and sit down and write a brief introduction about yourself. Focus on keeping it to two paragraphs (one is preferred) which highlight you and your interests. Make it direct and give just enough information that the recipient will want to know just a little bit more.

You are going to continually use this “template” for each email approach you send out, but make sure to take a few minutes to really personalize each email. The last thing you want to do is just send your profile out without personalizing it. The easiest way to do this is to make a reference to something that they mentioned in their profile. If you can incorporate this into your email, your response rate will increase exponentially.

Which email would you be more inclined to respond to?

• Option #1: Hi, I think you look like a nice lady and I’d like to get in touch with you.

• Option #2: I just saw your profile on (name site) and you look like just the type of lady I’d be interested in learning a little more about. You mentioned how you were an outdoor person in your profile, and that’s exactly how I would describe myself. I enjoy………(fill in the rest).

Once you begin browsing at various profiles, start to take some notes and come up with a shortlist of profiles (7-10) that seems to be of interest. Send an email out to each of those profiles.

You don’t want to put all of your eggs in one basket. Remember that the focus of these online dating sites is to get your profile in front of as many people as possible. You are looking to initiate discussions with as many quality singles as you can.

One last thing, don’t get your hopes up too high. You need to anticipate that your email will not illicit a response. Just because you sent an email does not guarantee that you will receive a response. People don’t always respond to their email, and they have many reasons why.

Once you’ve completed this, the next step is to head over to the chat rooms and see what’s going on over there.

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Welcome to section twelve of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide.

Where does sex belong in your online dating profile?  Sex carries a different significance to each person, but there’s no denying its importance in a healthy relationship.

When we evaluate this question, the first thing you need to do is figure out what type of site you will post your profile on.  If you’ve been investigating the various sites that are available, you’ll notice that many of the sites cater to very specific clients.

There are all sorts of dating sites, from religious based to sites that promote extramarital affairs, and each of the sites has members with different expectations.  What works for your profile on Adult Friend Finder will be a definite “no-no” on Big Church.

There are three areas to your online dating profile, and each one provides you an opportunity to “spice” things up.  When you post a profile online, you assign yourself a username, you post at least one picture of yourself, and you write a quick profile (or sales ad) about yourself.

Let’s start with a username.  This is your “handle” and it’s the name others will use to communicate with you.  Take great care in picking out your name, but keep in mind that your choice will have an effect on how people perceive you.

If you went with a name like “Plaything,” “SexKitten,” or “HardBody69″, other members will have a pre-conceived notion of what your intentions are.  They will think that you’re more interested in a good time than in finding a serious relationship.  Depending on the site you’re using, this could be a good thing.

Next up is your photo.  It’s strongly encouraged to post a photo of yourself, and research shows that the more of them you post, the better your profile will perform.

As you browse around dating sites, you’ll notice that some profile pictures are a lot more provocative and revealing than others.  These profiles get significantly more clicks and visits, but they are also turn off for members looking for a long term partner.

The final part is your profile.  This is a written paragraph which portrays who you are.  This is your sales pitch, and it’s your chance to express yourself in words.  This area doesn’t have the immediate impact as your picture or user name, but if you choose your words correctly, it will help to complete the whole picture.

Here’s one last point.  If you are joining an online dating site to find a long term mate, do NOT include any mention of sex in your profile.

You are trying to find as many good matches as possible, and the last thing you want to do is have people overlook your profile without getting in contact with you because you appear to be a little too direct.  There is always time to discuss sex once you get to know someone a little bit better.

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Welcome to section five of my Online Dating Quick Start Guide.

An issue that many take too casually when setting up their online dating profile is their username.  The main goal you have when choosing your name is to make it as memorable as possible, just like you’re actual profile.  Your goal is to sell yourself, and part of the sale is developing the proper sales pitch.

Let’s first address your real name.  You love your real name, and you’ve most likely taken great pains to make it memorable and respected.  For many, your name brings instant creditability in your profession.  But when it comes to the internet, do not post your real name.  It’s an issue of security, and it’s just not smart.

If you’re stuck on using your name, you can, but use variations of it.  Piece it together with activities that you like to do, adjectives that apply to you, or nicknames you’ve used before.  For example, my name is Jim McMenamin.  Some variations that I could use would be McJim, JimmyMac, JimSkis, or SlimJim.

Here are a few other suggestions for you:

• Include another personal tidbit about yourself.  For example, a Penn St. graduate might pick a name like PennStJim.  If you’re from Philadelphia, it could be PhillyJim.
• When you start stringing together names use proper capitalization.  What I mean is to capitalize each word in the name.  It highlights what you’re trying to portray.  Which one sticks out more, gymqueen or GymQueen?
• Avoid using too many numbers.  People will remember CutieSue, but they may have trouble remembering if you’re CutieSue1990.
• Use a name from a book, movie, or show that you really enjoyed.
• Take a word that you like, for example Queen, and go to a website like Babelfish to translate it into another language.  Odds are the name Queen will already be taken when you register, but there’s a good chance that the name Reine (French translation) will be available.

One last point to address is names that come with sexual innuendo.  This is a tricky point, and it really depends on the site you’re using and the people that you’re hoping to meet.

Let’s take a simple name like SexKitten.  This is very site specific as to how well it will work.  If you’re registering at an adult dating site, then this name is more than appropriate; however, if you’re at a Christian dating site, odds are this won’t cut it.

If you choose to stick with SexKitten, you need to be careful at moderate sites, which have people looking for both short term and long term relationships.  When someone views that name, they will have a preconceived notion of what you’re looking for.  (Let me give you a hint, it’s not a long term relationship.)  Just remember, sometimes you get what you ask for.

Don’t just rush to slap up a name when you register.  This is a fun step in the process, and it helps to stamp the uniqueness of your profile.  Get away from your straight laced 9-5 job, and enjoy your alter ego.

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